Dubai indoors (kids)

Here's a list for entertaining kids indoors in Dubai. I really recommend however, to resort to these in summer months. In winters, please soak up the outdoors.

Ski Dubai: There's something ironic about frolicking in the snow in the middle of the desert, no? Ski Dubai has a couple of rides, and you can see penguins. For a handsome price, you can have a close encounter with the penguins as well. For me, the best part is warming up with a hot chocolate afterwards.

Aquarium at Atlantis: Pretty big, lots of fish. Easily kills 2-3 hours time. If you want to make a day of it, combine it with the Aquaventure water park and dolphin experience.

Aquarium at Dubai mall: Do either the one above or this.

Kidzania at Dubai mall: For 4 years and above. You can easily spend half a day here.

Ice skating at Dubai mall: There is a rink and you can hire skates, or even a lesson.

Hysteria Haunted house at Dubai Mall: I haven't been here but it sounds interesting for older kids.

Orbi: It's just more screen time really but in a high-tech educational way. Kids will see 5 D short films on nature and wild life. Some good special effects.

Flip Out: If your kids need to burn off some energy, this trampoline park may be fun.

Green planet: it's a kind of tropical jungle indoors with some animals. I guess it is educational in a way.

Dubai Creek park children's centre: This is one of the few inexpensive things to do with kids in Dubai. It has a science centre and a planetarium. Good for few hours of entertainment.

Dolphinarium: This is also at Creek park so can be combined with above. You can see dolphins and seals put up a show for you. You can also get up close to the dolphins, for a price.

IMG: Dubai has many amusement parks but this one is touted to be the biggest in the world. You could probably spend the entire day here.

Ferrari world: another amusement park, it's in Abu dhabi. Has a few good rides.  If going to Abu Dhabi for this, you might want to visit Zayed mosque.

Louvre: Also in Abu dhabi, this museum, a branch of the Paris one, has opened recently. It's very pretty, some of the photographs I have seen are astoundingly beautiful. There is a section for children.

Hub Zero: Rides and games. Many games involve screen, so not my favourite.

Adventure HQ: A climbing wall and high ropes course. Good for an hour or so, for getting kids some exercise and keeping away from screen.

Al Fahadi museum: Near the Bastakiya district, this museum gives a glimpse of Dubai's past and chronicles the story of its development from a fishing and pearling village to its present avatar. Kids may not find it very interesting.

Breakfast/lunch at SMCCU: Sheikh Mohammed centre for cultural understanding is an institution that attempts to demystify Arab culture and customs for the curious. You can buy a ticket to a group traditional breakfast experience, following which, the locals will answer any questions you have about Emirati/Aran society, culture and customs. Haven't been but heard good reviews. Good for older kids and adults.

Jam jar: if your little ones insists on painting, you can take them to Jam jar in Al quoz. For a price, they will get three canvases and there is a supply of painting paraphernalia. Good for a couple of hours.

Various Fun city/Chuck E Cheese outlets around the city: For mindless, predominantly screen based gaming, kids can be taken here.

I-fly: This is something most kids enjoy. The chance to fly in a powerful wind tunnel is thrilling to most kids except the very young ones. It is quite expensive though.

New things added since last year:

Qasr-al-watan: More for adults really. Fancy palace. Gives an insight into the lives of the royal family.

Dubai Frame: When travelling north on Sheikh Zayed Road, somewhere near Zabeel Park you notice a structure that looks like a really tall picture farme. This is the Dubai Frame. You go up by an elevator to enjoy a panoramic view of Dubai and on one side you see old Dubai and on the other, the new Dubai. There's a museum on top which has photographs of the evolution of Dubai.

Oli Oli: A children's play area/zone which is said to be interesting.

Warner Brothers amusement park: This is in Abu Dhabi. Requires a full day trip.

Rain Room: Located at Sharjah Arts Foundation, this is a different experience, where the rain doesn't hit you because of the sensors. Prior booking of tickets is a must, many people have rued being turned away otherwise.

Museum of Illusions: Located at Al Seef, a new waterfront area which has been developed in the local architectural style, this is small but has received good reviews.

Jameel Art Centre: Only for kids seriously inclined towards arts.

Tashkeel Art Centre: They do a kids art camp in summer, worth checking out.

Dubai in winter

Since the cooler climes are here in Dubai, it makes sense to soak up as much of the outdoors as possible, given that one is cooped up indoors eight months of the year. Here is a list of outdoor activities, divided into the things I have done and the things I have not.

Things I have done:

1) Flamingo watching at Ras-al-khor: This is a bit of a drive, but well worth it. Incidentally this is one of the few free things you can do in this very expensive city. Ras-al-khor is a creek that is home to many flamingoes, and these can be watched through a 'hide' built for this purpose. Go at the feeding times. It's lovely and the photos and videos you get are National-geographic worthy.

2) Kite beach: This is a nice beach near Burj-Al-Arab. It does tend to get crowded. You can hire a kayak, banana boat or a stand up paddle board if you're in the mood for more than just lazing around. The main draw for my kids is the Wire world high ropes and zip line, which opens in the evening.

3) Aventura at Mushrif park: Also a bit of a drive, but if your kids are crazy about high ropes and zip lining, it's worth it. There are three courses, with lots of high ropes and zip lines. To go through the whole thing takes three hours. Tickets are expensive, so only go if you plan to spend the full three hours.

4) Global village: An evening here can be a pleasant outing. Global village is a bigger, fancier version of Delhi Haat, with pavilions of countries rather than states. There are plenty of rides for children, you can get some regional food and buy some regional trinkets. If you are lucky, some famous singer or band may be having an outdoor performance, which is included in the price of the tickets! They also do good fireworks on some days.

5) Glow garden at Zabeel park: Glow garden has two parts- one has models of dinosaurs which move a bit and bellow. The other part is just clever lighting of models of fruits, flowers, trees etc. It looks quite pretty in the night. There are rides for kids. They have added an ice sculpture display which I am looking forward to see this year.

6) Al Mamzar park, Sharjah: So technically, this is not Dubai, but so what? Al Mamzar park is worth a visit. Lovely to hang around and has a nice beach with clear waters.

7) Al Ain zoo: Again, technically not Dubai. It's about an hour away. Lovely zoo, you can easily spend the whole day in it, better to hire a golf cart to get around. For a price, kids can feed giraffes.

8) Emirates Zoo: If Al Ain is too far and too big for you, an abbreviated zoo version can be had at Emirates Zoo. It's much smaller and has far fewer animals. But you can feed the giraffes. Also, smaller kids tend to appreciate it as things are at their eye level, you don't need to hoist them up.

9) The ubiquitous desert safari: You can't come to Dubai and not go dune-bashing, can you? There are tonnes of companies which organise desert safaris. They will pick you up from wherever you are located and drop you back. The four wheel drive vehicles drive you out into the desert and then veer off the road and start driving in the sand, up and down the dunes. It's good for adrenalin rush, though personally I detest it. Kids seem to love it. After about 15 minutes of this, you are driven to a camp in the desert, where you can partake in some activities like sand-boarding, camel riding. You can get a henna tattoo, but beware, health hazards have been linked to the use of black henna, so I'd skip it. The evening culminates with a below-average tasting buffet dinner and a cheesy cultural performance. It's very touristy, but good for one time experience.

10) Miracle garden: My least favourite in this list, this garden is a testimony to Dubai's will power to make an oasis in the desert. Huge displays of flowers in various shapes- aeroplane etc. One does admire the tremendous effort that must go into the landscaping and gardening on a daily basis. If you are very fond of flowers, go.

11) Dolphin experience at Atlantis: this is normally a package deal with the aquarium at Atlantis and the Aqua venture water park. For a handsome price, you can get close up with the dolphins, kiss them or swim with them. Too commercial for my taste, but if you have kids who are dying to get close to dolphins, consider it.

12) Bastakiya walk, abra ride, Gold souq and spice souk: The side of Dubai that is not so often seen is the one at Bastakiya district. This is the old, traditional side of the city. Walking around here is a welcome break from the skyscrapers and the modern buildings. The gold souq has some jaw-dropping displays of jewellery. An afternoon at Bastakiya is hands down my favourite thing to do in Dubai, but kids may get bored.

13) Legoland: Dubai is chockfull of amusement parks, but since most of the rides of Legoland are outdoors, I'm told, it makes more sense to hit them in the winter.

14) Burj Khalifa and the musical fountains: One of the few things that's free in Dubai, is the musical fountain show at Burj Khalifa. Want to see water jets shooting high and swaying to the tune of various Arabic and Bollywood numbers? Head here. What is not free is the ticket to go to the top of Burj Khalifa and see Dubai from there. You can find discounted tickets on Groupon or Cobone.

15) Motiongate: An amusement park that is partly indoors, partly outdoors. It is inspired by cinema, and has as it themes various kids films. Incidentally, Legoland and Motiongate are a part of the same complex of parks but each requires a day in itself, so don't even think of buying a ticket that allows you to all parks in one day.

16) Sky-diving: This one is of course, not for kids. I am sure it's very thrilling and all, but I just don't see myself doing this, ever. Is fairly expensive, as expected.

17) La Mer: developed in 2018, this is a complex of restaurants in a beach side location. There is a play area for kids.

18) Al Seef: Newly developed near the creek, the restaurants and establishments here have a traditional Arab architecture. It put up a good show of fireworks during Diwali. Personally, I prefer this to La Mer as it has more character.

I am sure that there are many biking trails for biking enthusiasts, but since I am not a biker, I don't know anything about those. Most of the parks are good for walks, the one we frequent most often is Al Barsha. Jumeirah beach road has a good boardwalk for those who want to walk near the sea, as does Marina and Atlantis Palm.

Mleiha- Of all the excursions I've done in Dubai this year, Mleiha is hands down the best. We got lucky with the weather. It was windy and slightly cold and overcast. The desert was absolutely beautiful. The dune buggy ride to the ancient fossil rocks was super fun and the museum was interesting. The coffee shop at the Meliha Archaelogical centre was to die for. I can't wait for the weather to cool down, so I can go again and this time, I will make an overnight trip so I can star gaze in the desert.

Things I have not done, but intend to check out:

Camel fair/race: these are held on the highway going to Al Ain. As children, we heard horror stories of children being tied to the camels for races. It appears that nowadays, the camels are ridden by robots as jockeys. I need to visit to find out if this is fact or fiction.

Dubai safari: Did not hear very good reviews from the people who went last year, mainly to the tune of, 'too hot, disorganised, not too many animals'. Hopefully, they will have got their act together now that they've been around for one season.

The Quranic park: from the point of view of learning more about Islam

Turtle feeding at Madinat Jumeirah

Happy outdoors!

Beautiful Baku

When the long weekend loomed ahead at the end of November, we made a last minute decision to travel to Baku and in less than 24 hours, we were on the flight. Not many people have heard of Azerbaijan. I had first heard of it when in the early 2000s, I chanced upon a book called 'Ali and Nino' in a library. I was intrigued by the description on the jacket copy, 'Ali and Nino is one of literature's foundlings'. Foundling because the identity of the author is unclear and remains debated till date. It was published in 1940. So the book was a love story set in Baku, and that was the first time I heard of this little country which was located on the Caspian sea, and how it was plagued into turmoil because of the interest of Russia and England in its oil. Now after many years, I was travelling to the land of Ali and Nino.

Having travelled to neighbouring Georgia, I was a bit fearful that Azerbaijan might also be a poor country, with old people begging. I needn't have worried. Baku, at least, appears quite rich. Like Dubai. It is also extremely cosmopolitan. It is more European in appearance and character than Muslim, even though the majority population is Muslim. However, it appears to be one of the most secular countries in the Muslim world. Neither men, nor women, wear the hijabs and xxx that people in the middle east wear. They do not observe Friday as the weekly holiday. and I never heard any public calls for prayers as I do in Dubai.

In fact, I was strongly reminded of Paris by the buildings. Baku is, in fact, called the 'Paris of the East'. Dominating the skycape are the Flame towers- a trip of buildings that together look like flames. In the night, these are lit up like flickering flames on their LED facade. They are clearly meant to impress. As is the Haider Aliyev centre, which is built to resemble a rising sea wave. This building has the distinction of not having any straight lines!

But the modern is not what is most charming about Baku. The old city is charming. It's a fairly spread out, enclosed between impressive walls on three sides and Caspian sea on the fourth. The tallest structure here is a seventh century tower called 'Maiden tower'. It is austere and military-like in appearance. It's raison d'être is not definitely known- it was probably used for multiple purposes. Inside is a narrow stair case through which you can climb up to the top, from which you get great panoramic views of the city.

Outside the Maiden Tower is a small outdoor museum which has some intricately craved tombstones. You can trek up to the Shirvanshah palace and take a tour inside. There are some charming restaurants serving Azerbaijani cuisine inside the old city and lots of shops to pick up souvenirs and knick-knacks.

You can head out of Baku to a place called Gobustan. This is famous for mud volcanoes- tiny volcanoes that spew mud. They are not dangerous, at least the ones where the tourists are taken are not. Unlike what issues forth from geysers, the mud is cold. The volcanoes are gentle and quite fun. They sometimes emit a gentle rumbling noise, quite like the ones that come from your stomach. It's fun to watch for the bubbling mud that trickles through at regular intervals. Mud volcanoes are rare, they're found only in places that are rich in oil and gas, and 40% of the world's mud volcanoes are located right here in Azerbaijan, so they are a must see on your itinerary.

The other thing to see in Gobustan is a pre-historic settlement. This dates from 15000 to 40000 years ago, so we're really talking cavemen here. These are these rock formations which have been used as shelter by ancient humans and they have left some drawings carved on the rocks as souvenirs for us. The drawings are of a boat carrying people, which the guide explained is a funeral scene- dead bodies being taken out for burial at the sea, and of animals- bulls in particular. Quite fascinating.

There is also a museum full of artefacts at Gobustan.

Azerbaijan is not very expensive. Uber taxis, in fact, are shockingly cheap. Talking of taxis, beware that normal taxis plying on the road have to be bargained with and can cheat you, so if data permits, stick to Uber. The local food is tasty, and the fish is fresh. As Indians, we were always greeted with 'Raj Kapoor? Amitabh Bacchan?'. Old bollywood cinema certainly had a connect with people in Russi and CIS countries, new Bollywood needs to up its game to establish a connect like this.

To my delight, Ali and Nino do live on in Azerbaijan. There are famous cafes and bookshops with their names.

Baku is a must-visit for anyone living in Dubai.

Croatia

Remember how we used to play Name, place, animal, thing in school and how getting the letter ‘z’ was such a pain because of very few places starting with this letter? Now, thanks to my Croatia trip, I know one more place that starts with ‘z’- Zagreb- the capital of Croatia.

Zagreb was a great start to our holiday because of the cooler climes. The maximum temperature was a very pleasant 25 degrees. When you are arriving from Dubai, that means a lot. Another reason I liked this charming town was that it was not overcrowded. Although it's very much like other European cities, in terms of architecture, full of pretty buildings, I noticed some interesting sculptures built into some of the buildings- like bas-relief, which gave them a quirky touch.

Another thing that grabbed my attention was a 3 D map of the old town which brought to mind the credit images of the mega-popular HBO series Game of Thrones- unsurprising, as Croatia is GoT country.

Incidentally, Zagreb has some interestingly named museums- Museum of broken relationships, Museum of Illusions and incredibly- Museum of Torture! Needless to say- with the kids along, we didn't visit any of these.

Croatia should be called Castelly-Croatia. There are so many castles and forts, that my boys invented a new verb- 'forting'. From our second day till the last, seeing the castles and forts always involved walking and climbing, which resulted in us clocking in a full 58.5 kms in the ten days of our trip, according to my iPhone pedometer. The first few days we climbed gamely and after that the boys felt the need to invent the verb so they could say 'we don't want to go forting anymore '.

Trakoscan castle outside Zagreb was beautifully preserved- with all furnishings and décor intact, to give an idea of the rich lived. Reaching here involved driving past pumpkin patches in the green countryside.

The next stop, Plitvic Lakes/National park was a highly anticipated destination for us. But the enthusiasm palled somewhat when, upon reaching, we found out that there were three different trails- of which the shortest was 5 kms! We took the shortest one but ended up walking 7 kms anyway because of a wrong turn we took. Plitvic is made up of lakes which are interconnected and cascade into each other through waterfalls. The waters are extraordinarily clear and a brilliant turquoise blue. It is a very picturesque place. What is lacking is a diversity of fauna. Hardly any birds and only a few varieties of fish could be seen.

We drove south and the weather kept getting warmer. After a long drive down twisting and turning hilly roads, past a lovely green countryside, we reached the Dalmatian coastal city of Split. This was overrun with tourists and way more expensive than Zagreb.

Split has many beaches- which are pretty enough but lack the loads of lovely, soft, walkable sands which make a beach, a great beach, for me, at least. Dalmatian beaches are either pebbly or have smallish amounts of clayey sand. And they're crowded. But on the positive side, you see women of all shapes and sizes sun bathing in two piece costumes on them- yay for positive body imaging. The water of the Adriatic sea is extraordinarily clean and blue- given the crowds. And the seafood is good, I'm told.

The first fortress we visited in this region was Klis, which has served as the filming location of Mereen- where Dany practises her queening skills.

The temperature was over 30 degrees in Split, which made it that much harder to tramp around Diocletian palace- incredibly well preserved for its age. This was built by a Roman emperor who decided to retire here, in the fourth century AD, instead of his home country. Italy is just across the Adriatic sea, which explains why there is a strong influence of Italian cuisine on Croatia. All the restaurants invariably feature pizza, pasta and risotto on the menu, and they’re good. Stay away from the gelato, though. It is decidedly fake. Diocletian palace is where Dany locked her dragons in the dungeons in GoT when they got naughty.

Do not however think that fortresses is all this region has to offer. You can always cool off by taking boat tours, island hopping and for the adrenalin junkies, there is snorkeling, and diving off cliffs into the sea. There are no corals but you can see fish and other underwater life forms. It would be advisable to wear rubber sandals to avoid getting your feet cut on the sharp pebbles on the island beaches though.

Hvar is an island we drove to from Split, taking ferry part of the way. It's supposed to be the party town of Croatia, and obviously that aspect was completely irrelevant to us, so we left quickly.

After many hours of driving, we finally reached our last destination- Dubrovnik. Interestingly, you have to enter Bosnia and drive through it for fifteen minutes en route to Dubrovnik. Fortunately, no separate visa is required and the passport control at  the border is short and simple.

The highlight of Dubrovnik is the old town, where the majority of the King’s Landing scenes in GoT have been shot. For die hard Game of Thrones fans, the old town is an absolute must -visit, but even if you belong to the minority who has no clue about GoT, the old town will not disappoint you- it is that gorgeous.

The old town deserves to be seen from three vantage points-first is by walking inside in it, secondly from the sea, by entering the harbour by boat and thirdly- from the top of the castle walls. All three views have their own charm. Climbing up the castle walls and circum-ambulating them is arduous but the views from the top make it totally worth it.

Bear in mind, that while you will be able to identify the locations of GoT filming, it will take a bit of work, because there are computer-generated images superimposed on the shots we see on the screen. Best to take a guided tour or do a thorough homework on internet, if the GoT pilgrimage is your chief reason for going.

After this, we drove long and hard along a lovely coastal road back to Zagreb to catch our flight back home. Goodbye Croatia. You were tiring but absolutely worth it.

Georgia

Driving from airport to the city, one is struck by the resemblance to India. Unattractive, ill-maintained  apartment blocks, with clothes hanging out to dry in the balcony.

Entering the Old Tbilisi, with its old-style buildings and a castle on top of the hill overlooking the city, you feel relieved that now it has started resembling Europe. Not Western Europe though. Nowhere as posh.

Beware of air B&B in  Old Tbilisi. The apartment we stayed in was  in a street so dodgy and a building so ramshackle, we almost refused to go inside, thinking it was a mistake.

But even the ramshackle buildings, if they are painted, have a kind of antique charm.

Lots of resemblance to the old, old shawls of kotachi wadi, Mumbai.

The peace bridge looks like a metal hat which has been thrown across to straddle the two banks of Mtkavari river. It's modern look is in stark contrast to the quaint, antique heritage look of the buildings of old Tbilisi.

There is a scenic cable car ride which takes you up to a Fortress called Narikala, on top of a hill. You can get great views of Tbilisi from this hill top.

First time I ever saw a commercial establishment (operating out of a van) selling karak chai along side vodka (cha cha- the Georgian vodka made of grape skin.)

You can walk along the fortress to the statue of a formidable lady who holds a cup of wine in one hand to welcome friendly visitors and a sword to discourage enemies. This is the Mother of Georgia.

The local public transport consists of yellow coloured buses called Matrushkas.

Georgia is much cheaper than Dubai in almost all respects. feel happy.

You know it's a poor country by the number of old people who come up begging for money. That is something you have got unused to, after living in Dubai for some time. Makes you feel sad.

The main street is called Rustaveli, after a poet of yore. It has some pretty buildings, especially the Opera House, which is beautiful, symmetrical and well-maintained.

Expect to see many churches and monasteries as tourist spots. This is a very Christian country.

Food, thank heavens, is not as bland as continental European cuisine. But you will get tired of eating the very fattening khacapuri- manakeesh to you and me.

Interesting to see khinkali- savoury modaks filled with meat.

Most of the people wear black. They seem to like black.

The churches are pretty but old and austere compared to those in Western Europe. Think Sophia Hagia rather than Notre Dame.

There is a lovely street market called Dry Bazaar which is filled with the prettiest glass and ceramic ware, jewellery and Soviet memorabilia.

People speak some English but Russians speakers are better off.

Bollywood, as always, remains the bridge through which people try to connect to us Indians. here, we had an old lady saying, 'Mud ke na dekh, mud, mud ke'. Another old lady cried out, 'Rishi Kapoor, Dimple Kapadia'.

Driving outside Tbilisi, the countryside is pretty. There are trees which resemble cherry trees, with clouds of pink or white blossoms. These are plum trees, and the plums are used in Georgian cooking.

Two hours away, up in the mountains, is Gudauri- a ski resort. Here you can hire an instructor to teach you skiing for 50 Lari (that is 65 dirhams an hour).

There is a cable car/ski lift to take you high up in the mountains for some stunning snow views.

Snow boarding is much, much more difficult than sand boarding. Don't hire a snow board without also hiring an instructor.

If you are not skiing or snowboarding, there's nothing much to do in Gudauri and you may get bored.

You can hire a car and drive unto Kazbegi, if you are willing to spend the money.

The duty-free at the airport is nothing special.

Georgian wines and cha cha are apparently famous, if you want to buy souvenirs.

All in all, it's an interesting place to spend a few days.

English Vinglish

Just because the 40th birthday is done and dusted, there's no reason to stop with the gratitude diaries. In that spirit, this post could be viewed as an extension of my Gratitude diary one- though it isn't really.

I flew back yesterday after a short visit home. Before it was time for me to leave, my mother wept a few tears lamenting that she misses me a lot and then, as is her wont, controlled herself and exhorted me to look after myself, not to worry about her, that she'd be fine. I was feeling quite sad myself at the thought of leaving her.

It was in this frame of mind, that I watched a film on the flight home, which I had missed watching some years ago when it was released- English Vinglish. I found myself really drawn into this film. As I was watching it, I could relate so well to it. I wanted to slap Shashi's daughter, while recalling that I myself must have behaved as badly, or worse, towards my own mum. I loved the niece Radha, and hoped my own nieces would grow up to be like her and that I would share a bond with them like the one that Shashi shares with Radha. But most of all, I so wanted my mum to have an experience like Shashi. To be able to step out of her mum role, to experience herself as an individual, an entrepreneur. And to be able to command respect, not just love. We all find it easy to show love towards our parents, spending time with them, taking them out, buying them little gifts, taking them to the doctor. But respect? Oh man, that is another ball game altogether. To some extent, gender conditioning has ensured that we treat at least our fathers with some respect most of the time (note- not complete respect and not all the time), but moms are easy game. It is so easy to be dismissive of them.

In my case, in particular, I think I am a fairly useless daughter- I am not very chatty with my parents, leaving the burden of small talk on them for most part, I shout a lot at my mother when she annoys me- which is often. And yet she finds comfort in my presence, and misses me! It's strange, this mother-love. Why is it so unconditional? Why doesn't it assert itself more, demand more out of the recipient?

It is wishful thinking on my part, that my mother will ever step out her 'mum' role and be herself. It is too late for her- she doesn't have the physical or mental energy, nor indeed the mental capacity. Which is why I always keep wishing for another life for her. All that I can do to make her remaining time on earth better is to be around her, to love her and treat her with respect. Even though it's difficult. But I can at least try. If I don't I will regret being such a shitty daughter, even though she, bless her, will never think of me that way.

Gratitude diaries 33

Who isn't attracted to the US as a college destination? I was no different from scores of other young kids who attended the USEFI information sessions. But I knew that getting scholarship was next to impossible and I would never dream of asking my father to fork out money for tuition fees in dollars. So I let it go. After a few years, in 2006, I tried. I took the GRE with a great score, applied to about ten colleges and was accepted by nearly all of them in a Public Policy programme. But again, no scholarships. So I gave up. In 2007, I accompanied my husband to Kingston in Canada where he enrolled into a second MBA program, in Queens university, as a paid student. He took a loan from a bank for tuition fees, and borrowed money from my dad for living expenses. I was allowed by my visa to work, but my educational qualifications were not acceptable, as they were from India. In an effort that was completely out of my comfort zone, I approached a lot of professors in the Development Studies asking for a job- as a teaching assistant. Some responded and invited me to meet them, other flatly refused. One of the two who invited me, was an Indian and he listened sympathetically to my situation and asked me to send him my CV. He forwarded that to a colleague of his, who was teaching a course on 'AIDS, Power and Poverty' to undergraduate students, and this professor accepted me as a TA, without even interviewing me, based on my CV and my work experience in the field of HIV. Through his agency, I walked into a undergrad classroom in North America for the first time in my life. I loved it. I loved how the students were so polite and actually listened and respected their profs. In India, they can be a rowdy, noisy lot depending on the course and the institute. Most of all, I loved the way things were taught. Prof Mark Epprecht was a historian by education, but through his interest in the field of HIV, he had been given the intellectual freedom by the Development Studies department to create a course on HIV. I thought it was so cool. There was no emphasis on learning by rote. A wide variety of tools was used to drive home the message- films, guest lectures, case studies. All the issues around HIV were captured beautifully in the course, in a clear and easy to understand manner. As the assistant I had to attend all the lectures and then later conduct tutorials after the lectures, in which the concepts taught in the class could be discussed in greater detail. I enjoyed these too. It was, in many ways, the easiest money that I ever earned. I loved how the examinations tested understanding and critical thinking of the students and not merely whether they had memorised the course material. I developed a great deal of respect for the educational system abroad after attending this course. I would love for me kids to be able to study in an institute which follows such pedagogy. It's such a pity that such a brilliant system is wasted on dumb American kids! I know that is totally uncalled for. Thank you DEVS, Prof Mark Epprecht, Prof Ashutosh and all the students who attended my tutorials. I loved learning from you and teaching you and this experience helped to compensate for the unfulfilled dream of studying in an American university.

Gratitude diaries 32

When I look back through these gratitude diaries, I see that my life seems to have been more about receiving. Through friends and family, I have received love, affection, moral support and strength. The episodes when I have been on the giving end, are far fewer. One could say that gratitude is warranted when receiving help, not while giving it. But even giving help serves an important function. It makes you stop thinking of yourself and put other matters or persons at the centre of your existence. By diverting your mind from your troubles, it helps to make them easier to bear. And giving help is not always easy for shy, inward-looking people like me, any more than receiving help is. Maybe that's why, I feel grateful to the small number of people who gave me the chance to help them, either by reaching out to me or just accepting my support when I offered it. I remember when I was in my second year at IIM A, I tried to help the first year girls living in my dorm, especially the two who were doing badly at academics. I did my best to talk them through their blues, and encourage them to hang on, to carry on, the way my seniors had done with me. The need to talk to them helped me often, to break out of my own funk, by reminding myself that others needed me. I remember the girl in one of my jobs, who was going through marital problems and reached out to me for support. Talking to me helped her deal with the stress and I was more than happy to lend her a sympathetic ear. Similarly, I remember one of the girls from Upendra sir's classes, who was going through some family and personal issues, who I tried to support by talking her through her problems. I don't known whether my emotional/moral support achieved any concrete ends in helping them resolve the problems but I know from experience that sometimes just knowing that someone cares enough to listen, is enough to help you make a start to dealing with your problems. So thank you, facchis, the colleague from work, the classmate from Upendra's and any other people I may have missed out. I am grateful that you let me help you.

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Today I read the title of an article that someone posted on Facebook- it was about a transgender woman getting legally married- and I clicked like. Had I not worked in the field of HIV, I may not have done that. The best part about working in the field of HIV/AIDS was that I met so many kinds of people I would have never met otherwise. From the over-the-top transgender Lakshmi, to the HIV-positive Roma, to the feisty sex-worker Anu to my one gay friend, Shaleen. I have always felt kinship with any group that is marginalised and discriminated. I suppose that this is both personal and a community level feeling- on the personal front, because of my mother's mental illness and the community front- on account of being a Dalit. It was good for me to know how trivial my issues were compared to these brave men, women, or transgenders- who laid themselves open to public contempt and legal punishment to fight for others in their community. They remind me of Ambedkar. I really recommend that people should make an active effort to meet people who are not like them, who are as different from them as possible. Its only then that we realise that these are human beings just like us and that we can always find some common ground with them. Ultimately, there is more that unites people than divides them. Thank you, the field of HIV, for demonstrating this to me. My work in this field has enriched my life and I am really grateful to all the brave people that I met, who are continuing to fight the battles- on personal and on private fronts. God bless you.

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For someone who enjoys learning, I have made very poor educational choices. I chose to study B.Com for undergrad and I chose to do an MBA for post-grad. I knew even as I was doing it, that Commerce was not for me, that I had no interest in business. I feel sad when I look back and see that instead of sitting in classrooms and listening to interesting lectures, and opening my mind to new disciplines, I was lounging on the parapets of my college with my friends, idly gossiping. Till I was 25 years old, I think the only classes I enjoyed were my French classes at Alliance Francaise (which I attended for one year so that I could get good marks in French at my twelfth board examinations and then blithely abandoned. It was when I turned 26, went on a sabbatical and decided to take the UPSC that I stumbled on the subject that I truly enjoyed, and loved madly, for a time at least- sociology. I have Upendra sir to thank for it. Upendra sir was a stud prof who taught students preparing for the exam. His classes were in Delhi and I lived in Mumbai. So I had to take a break from Mumbai and my husband and go live in Delhi with my sister for four months so I could attend his classes. I remember those four months well. especially his classes. They were held at a basement in a building in Safdarjung enclave. If Delhi was cold in winter, his class was freezing cold. My body would be uncomfortable but my mind was on fire when I attended his classes. Rarely have I felt my brain working so well. Rarely have I felt so comfortable intellectually in a class. More importantly, understanding sociology validated many of my beliefs and values. I could see how my father and Upendra sir held the same values, but Upendra sir could articulate and justify them so much better with his understanding of sociology. It's a little weird but I think that in those classes I had  best time of my life- I was alone, but yet with people, confident in my ability to understand complex concepts and extremely pleased when I could answer difficult questions and got admiration from sir. I even feel nostalgic about the tea I'd have during the break, how good the warmth of it felt, against my numb fingers and going down my throat. Thank you, Upendra sir. I really admire you as a person and as a teacher. Thank you for making me enjoy learning.

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For the almost seven years that I spent in FHI, I was part of a team known as M&E- Monitoring and Evaluation grant. In the last three years, I also became a part of another team simultaneously. But M&E remained my comfort zone. The team composition changed a bit while I was there. Old members went, new ones came in. In the beginning, I was a bit scared of not being accepted, of envy from the older, established team members. But after very few hiccups, I was accepted and fitted right in. Rajat had started this ritual of us having afternoon tea together while I was in Delhi. I tried to adhere to this religiously because it gave me a chance to take a break and also interact with the rest of the team, because they were sitting in another room and I was cut off from them. We also would go to the India Islamic Centre for team lunches once in a while.  We were all foodies and most of us enjoyed non-vegetarian food. When I moved to Mumbai, I made frequent trips to Delhi at first. The Delhi team tried to time the team lunches with my visits. I was always given the task of deciding the restaurants and the menu, and inevitably everyone was pleased with my choices. Once, a team member confessed that they all used to wait for my trips, because they knew I would order the most delicious food! My reputation as a foodie was quite strong. There were hardly any undercurrents of jealousy or negativity in the team- maybe because everyone was in their thirties and mature and confident of their skills and worth. We would work together happily and also never stinted in lending our support to the other members when they were overworked or overburdened. Together, under the leadership of Rajat, we accomplished difficult goals and took pride in our collective work. Even when Rajat left, most of the other team members rallied around Lakshmi, who provided leadership. We enjoyed going on retreats once in a year, when there was budget for it. I feel very lucky to have been part of a supportive and co-operative team like M&E, thinking about who leaves a warm glow in my heart even now. Thank you, M&E team- you were the best!

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When I was in my third year of college, I got involved with a youth tabloid called Channel Y through my acquaintance with a girl called Meghna Damani. I started attending the weekly meetings of a bunch of youngsters like me, who were interesting in writing, at the office of Indian Express on Sunday evenings. These wannabe writers were a diverse group- studying arts, or engineering or pharmacy- united by a passion for writing. Initially Meghna provided the leadership and then Indian Express for an editor dedicated for Channel Y- Ruchi Verma. In the weekly meetings we would brainstorm on ideas for articles. The first time I ever got published was in Channel Y. I still have a copy of that article- it was on chivalry- that I co-wrote with Ruchi's sister, Purvi. I remember people's reactions to my byline- Kashmira's 'I feel so proud seeing your name in print' to my dad's skeptical, 'what value was added to anyone by that article?'. For me, it was sheer delight and bliss. I got to do a lot of fun things through Channel Y- eat at restaurants, watch movies, write about them and get paid for it. It was a win-win situation. I loved it. Ruchi made us come in once a week to help with the editing work. Ruchi was encouraging about my writing and said I wrote well. Thanks to Channel Y, I got to attend the one and only male strip-tease of my life! Not a full monty- but still! In the 90s! and in India! My association with Channel Y lasted for about 6-8 months before I got busy with other things like management entrance exams. But I think it was the job that i enjoyed the most in my life. I liked the other writers and enjoyed interacting with them. I loved the fact that I was making money doing something I liked. I regret often that I did not pursue a career in writing but at least I had my Channel Y stint. That is something. Thank you Meghna for introducing me to Channel Y and thank you Channel Y for all the fun times.

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Most of my best friends have been women, but for some years I had one guy best friend. This was Amish. I met him through Channel Y (separate post on that later). We had a love for writing in common. Amish was intelligent, perceptive and empathetic. We used to talk a lot on the phone. I remember him reading the poems 'Walrus and the carpenter' and 'Mac cavity' to me on phone. We would go to his favourite haunt, 'Ghettos' to hang out sometimes. Whenever I felt down, or confused, I would reach out to him. Talking to him helped me straighten my head out, clear out my thoughts. He had had many friends , he was good with women and they responded to him. But our bond was special. I drew a lot of strength from our friendship and surprisingly, he did too. I wish we could have continued our friendship but after I got into a relationship with my to-be husband, we couldn't. I regret losing him as a friend, but I am really happy that we were friends for some time. Thank you Amish.

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My longest work stint was with FHI 360 where I worked under Rajat for few years. Rajat was quite the star at FHI. He treated me with a lot of respect, right from the beginning and I was a bit nervous that his special treatment of me might put off other team members who had been around for longer, because I really wanted to belong to the team and fit in. Fortunately, I did manage to fit in and develop a rapport with most of the team members. Rajat was a hard-task master. I soon found out he had a tendency to shout and be nasty if his deadlines were not met or if anyone acted in a manner that suggested that they were undermining his authority or leadership position. People admired him, but also feared him. I soon echoed those sentiments. However, he was tremendously supportive and when goals were met and tasks accomplished to his standards (which were high), he was unfailingly appreciative. He pushed his team hard. He had strong work ethics. We had this in common. Because i was living along in Delhi and had not family or distractions, I was able to put in long hours at work and thus able to meet the work goals he set for me. It did stress me out though- those hours were unsustainable in the long run. On one occasion, we had a full-blown fight. However, he apologised and we made up soon. I learnt a lot at work through the various responsibilities he made me shoulder. He was interested in the development of his team. I became confident at work and started feeling comfortable in FHI, thanks to him. His glowing performance appraisals did a lot for my self confidence as a professional and a manager. He helped me get a transfer to Mumbai so that i could be with my family and take IVF treatment so I could start my own family. He changed his behaviour in a couple of years after I first started to work under him and learnt to restraint his temper. His team had always admired him but grew to love him when he did that. Even after he left for a position in FHI US, he kept in touch with us and kept guiding us. He was without question the best boss I have ever had and I am really honoured to have had a mentor like him. Thank you, Rajat.

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My cousin Vinaya

Growing up, the only kid in my circle of cousins and friends who was as smart or smarter than I was, was Vinaya. Actually, she was smarter. She spent her entire school career accumulating scholarships and awards. I was not so driven. Vinaya and I went to IIMs, different ones, and surprisingly, even she, the super brilliant engineer girl, had a tough time there. Vinaya then went to the US and settled there. When I lived in Canada, she invited me to visit her in NY. Sameer and I had a great time with Vinaya and her husband and Sameer remarked on how nice a couple they were. When my sister was posted in NY, she and her family interacted a lot with Vinaya and her family. Then the New York incident happened. That morning on 13 December, 2013, when I was in a state of shock, Vinaya sent me an email asking for my number. She called me and I don't remember what she said but I think she tried to reassure me that she was there and would help my sister. Soon I started receiving a flurry of group emails- Vinaya had pulled together some people whom she trusted and could count on into a group who came to Devyani's defense. The smear campaign had already started on the internet and Vinaya attacked some of the people, from our own community, who had started bad-mouthing Devyani. She told me about the online petition website and encouraged me to put up a petition. She interacted with some officers associations who eventually put up a march in Hyderabad. In short, she threw herself into Devyani's defence with great energy, vigour and confidence. Devyani later told me that Vinaya, her husband and a common friend, had come down to Devyani's office early the next day (which was a working day, so obviously they had to take leave from their own jobs), stayed with her the entire day, took her home and left her only when she was tired enough to sleep. I still feel such deep gratitude to Vinaya for doing this. My father, mother and I should have been there, doing that, but we couldn't as we were separated by thousands of mile. But Vinaya filled that vacuum. Inspite of working in the high pressure banking industry, and being a mother to a young child, Vinaya always finds time to be active socially. She contributes a lot to the society, by undertaking projects which can help people from our community. With her energy and management skills, she is able to have several projects ongoing at the same time. She is good at pulling people from different walks to a common goal and inspiring them to work for it- a true leader. How I wish our community had more Vinayas! I am really thankful to Vinaya for all her help and support during the NY incident and afterwards for drawing me and Devyani into her projects and giving us a chance to contribute as well. You are the best, Vinaya!

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My mother-in-law

I've certainly had some ups and downs in my relationship with my mother-in-law, but fortunately for most part, is has been smooth sailing. She lets me be and does not try to impose her views on me. For most of my married life, she has been living with us and when she's around, she takes over the management of the household completely, which saves me a lot of time and bother. At the same time, I've always made sure that there is a lot of help and that no one is overburdened with domestic tasks. She has also pitched in actively with the kids and it is a comfort to have her around to provide supervision. It is sweet of her to cook up delicacies for the kids which they enjoy- like ladoos, which I'd never be able to make. She tends to worry a lot, even about me sometimes if I am out late without informing her, which I find sweet and motherly. My father always recalls that when the twins were born and she, along with my father-in-law reached the hospital, in a state of panic, in the dead of the night- the first thing she asked my father when she rushed over to him was, 'is Shamu alright?'. When he answered in the affirmative, she said, 'that's the main thing. then everything's fine.' and only then she asked about the babies. My father tells me he is very moved whenever he remembers this incident. She thinks of me as an integral part of her family. She refused to even consider it, when I said I could possibly skip my brother-in-law's wedding to save the airfare from Canada to India (as we were financially strained at that time), insisting that my brother-in-law pick up the tab, which he cheerfully did. I do enjoy the respect that she insists everyone give me as part of my status at the 'eldest bahu'. I enjoy being fussed over by her when I am sick. All in all, I am grateful to her for being kind, understanding and for being a loving grandma to the kids. Thank you, mummy.

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My father-in-law

The person I am most comfortable with as a caregiver for my sons, after Sameer and Pushpa, is my father-in-law. He is seventy plus, but still loves being around them and is never bothered by their noise and mess. He has been that way since they were born. My children are his first grandchildren and he was really happy when they were born. He has loved them, helped look after them and been a constant presence in their lives, and I am so grateful for it. It's wonderful that the kids have a sense of roots and a family beyond the immediate parents. I am sure that it must be at least a bit annoying, to have them around at times, but he has never complained even once. I am pretty sure that when I am old, I am not going to pitch in and help with my grandchildren, should I ever have any, in this involved way at all. Apart from the sons, he is also quite caring towards me and helps look after me when I am sick, takes me to the doctor etc. I am grateful that he thinks of me as his daughter, not daughter-in-law and claims so proudly to my parents (I know they like to hear this too). Thank you Anna, and I wish you a long, long, life so that you can be around when Aseem and Sasha grow up, and see their milestones like graduation, first job and all that.

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My husband Sameer

My fortieth birthday also happens to be our fifteenth wedding anniversary. Sameer and I are the most unsentimental of couples, never buying gifts for one another, or making a big deal about anniversaries. In fact, if not for the fact that my birthday and our anniversary coincide, Sameer would have a hard time remembering the anniversary date! But it suits me that way. We both know that the romantic, mushy stuff doesn't count for much. What matters is our commitment to our families- ones we belong to and the one we created together. Sameer has been extremely supportive through all of my family's ups and downs. I am sure it has not been easy for him at all, though it has its perks, to belong to my family. My father and sister have been in the news for more bad reasons than good and the internet being the warm fuzzy place that it is (ha, ha) is particularly vicious when it comes to the two of them. Sameer has taken all of it in a stride. Indeed, has always helped when asked to. He is a good provider and an excellent, hands-on father. I am so glad that when he is around on weekends, kids don't need me at all and I get all the space and me-time that I want. He has taken on some of my values and become a lot less religious and observant of customs than he used to be. He has provided me with two additional families- his own and the one we created together.  His mother, father and brothers have been like my own for last several years and I love the next generation of kids they have provided as well- brothers and sisters to Aseem and Sasha. I am glad that he has increased the circle of people I love and can rely on support. Thank you Sameer for being a caring father, a generous provider, a faithful husband (I think!) and for always being by my side through tough times. I am lucky to have you.

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Pushpa

Along with my team of highly qualified doctors- Dr Feroza, Dr Anahita and Dr Fazal, I also owe a huge debt of gratitude to an illiterate woman, my nanny-in-chief for taking care of my children and helping them grow into the naughty kids they are today. It is very difficult to look after premature children, even harder when they're twins, once they're home from the hospital and I couldn't have done it without Pushpa's help. Granted, I employed a lot of staff to help her and make things easier, but she was the main pillar of infrastructure put together for the kids. The early days when they were tiny babies and had to be fed with a small steel beaker called pallada, were the most difficult. I remember one occasion, when I came down with fever, and one of the babies was still in the hospital. I became depressed and was crying, thinking that I couldn't even take care of myself, how could I take care of two preemie babies. She consoled me, saying, 'why are you worried? I am here with you to help you with the babies.' She loved the babies like her own and took really good care of them, put in a lot of effort in feeding, something which I have no patience for. Thanks to their nutrition, they were able to gain weight and reach all their developmental milestones on time. Pushpa was with us till the day we left for Dubai, from the kids' birth to when they reached age six and a half. The kids and I were really lucky to have a caregiver like her and I will be eternally grateful to her for her support.

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Dr Fazal Nabi

I suppose if things had gone the way they should have, I would have chosen a paediatrician before the babies were born, maybe in my final month of pregnancy. But things didn't go as planned and I met my paediatrician, who Dr.Anahita chose and corralled into my emergency C-section, at one'o clock in the morning, in the operation theatre. He smiled and said hello but didn't introduce himself but I guessed he must be the paediatrician because I knew the other two were a stand by gynac and an anesthesist. Soon I was put under and then I saw him next in the morning when he walked into my room to assure me that the babies who I hadn't seen yet, were doing well, though prayers were needed. Over the next month, I saw him almost everyday, as he monitored my children and their progression through the various levels of care they needed. I found out from other people that he was an upcoming neonatologist, one of the best and most highly sought after in Mumbai these days. However, he was extremely humble and polite. One would never guess from his demeanour that he was a stud doctor. I was quite taken aback by the long hours he worked, unusual even for most doctors. We have seen him around at nearly all hours of the day and night at Jaslok Hospital. He was extremely sincere and was always when we needed him. I know he really cared about the infants he worked with, because I saw him nearly burst into tears at the NICU once, when one of his patients (someone else's baby) was having a crisis (and later died). Because of his care and diligence, we were able to take the children home from hospital in six weeks time. Over the years, he has taken care of the kids well and is always happy to see them and expresses wonder at how big they have grown. Given the fragile start they had, it is indeed to his credit that the kids are today healthy and normal- just like full term children. I will always be grateful to Dr Fazal for his care of the babies and count myself extremely lucky that we had a doctor like him to take care of the kids. It was to pay it forward in some way, that I asked him to recommend a charity where I could donate money on the kids' birthday. He told me of Bal Asha, an orphanage where he does pro bono work, and since then I have donated money almost every year to Bal Asha on the kids birthday. Thank you Dr Fazal and I hope that many more infants get to benefit from your expertise and care.

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Dr. Feroza Parikh

I was a bit surprised that it wasn't difficult to get an appointment with Dr. Feroza. Yes, there was waiting, but that was okay. Given that she was one of the top and most-sought after fertility specialists, that was only expected. It was amazing that she was taking new patients at all, given the huge demand she must be facing. I think she genuinely wants to help women who can not conceive and she makes an effort and somehow managed to keep her pipeline of patients flowing, though it takes a herculean effort given the volume of patients, I am sure. I have spent long hours waiting in her clinics for my various appointments, but I don't really mind, because it gave me results. She is a very kind person. She is also a straight talker. I remember she told me very candidly in the first meeting itself, that my chances of conceiving with an IVF treatment were only 8%, which is 1/3rd that of a normal woman's. She waited patiently while I broke down and continued only after I had regained my composure. I was somehow touched by that. Most of the big, fancy doctors are so brusque, so conscious of their time and rush you so much. She was very maternal. I somehow felt like I was in presence of my mommy when I was with her. She was also very positive and encouraging. She told me before she transferred the embryos that these were good quality embryos. She does have magic in her hands. I never expected to become pregnant in my first IVF cycle, but I did. I owe her an enormous debt of gratitude. She transferred me to a good high-risk obstretician who took excellent care of me and delivered my twins safely. Thank you Dr Feroza, for being the fertility goddess, for helping so many women realise their dreams and for being a good human being.

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Dr. Anahita

My obstretician was not chosen by me but for me, by the IVF clinic. Dr.Anahita, the tall bawee. When I told my father, he said he had had a run-in with her. Apparently, she was a social activist for environment and filed PILs against the people who put up outdoor hoardings obstructing trees or some such thing. She had gone into his office and threatened to file a PIL against his organisation for allowing these hoardings. Gutsy lady. But I was a little wary that she might not be kindly disposed towards me because of her fight with my father. I need not have worried. She was absolutely professional and never let any of that come in the way of our doctor-patient relationship. She was unfailingly kind, supportive and encouraging throughout the pregnancy. She was not fussy at all, didn't make a big deal of me getting a dental x-ray or skipping the glucose tolerance test because of major nausea. She rushed to the hospital late in the night (or early morning rather) and quickly put together a very good team for my emergency C-section very ably. Thanks to her quick action, everything went well. She advised me to seek help for postpartum depression if I needed it and gave me a number a psychologist for it. She asked me to give her a call every birthday of the twins to let her know how we were all getting on. Thank you Dr.Anahita, for helping give me my beloved boys safely. I will always remember and be grateful for your help and support.

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Sydenham

Unfortunately, I don't feel as attached, humbled, awed or grateful to Sydenham, where I spent much more time, than IIM A. Five years. Certainly it was far less intense experience, so this is understandable. I will always regret the fact that I wasted five years that I spent at Sydenham, doing nothing more interesting than reading books (which I had borrowed from CCI library). This was time I should have spent studying, learning or at least meeting and working with other people through the various societies. But I didn't. Like everything else in my life, I never took advantages that Sydenham had to offer, to develop myself. Can't blame Sydenham for it though. But I do wish that I had gone to a  college like Xaviers, where I could have learnt more interesting subjects and through better teachers. Well, Sydenham was my choice, and it was not a very good one. But I am grateful to Sydenham anyway. For giving me Aban and Kash. Who have been my best friends and the people I most count on, since I was fifteen years old. I am happy that we had all that time to spend in each others company, go to movies, restaurants and build the foundation for a friendship that would last all our lives (hopefully) and would sustain us through the ups and downs. Thank you, thank you Sydenham for Aban and Kash! I am so grateful !

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IIM A

After all the angst I have expressed about IIM A- how difficult it was- how grateful I was to people who helped me through- it must seem like I hated the place and was happy to rid of it. However that's not how I feel towards the place. I have never felt or will never ever feel that I belonged at IIM A. Maybe it is the imposter syndrome. But I have, even in my darkest hour, appreciated the beauty of the place. I love how it looks lit up at night, especially the Louis Kahn Plaza or the iconic LKP. And the Harvard steps. I never failed to be awed by these sights. I never fail to feel over-awed that I have got to be a part of this place, this experience. Gut-wrenching though it may have been. Cruel as this place seems to be, when I was at my lowest point, someone or the other, a fellow student, a teacher, always helped to pick me up and set me back on my feet. For this I am grateful. And of course, having the IIM A tag has opened many doors for me, which it would have been difficult for me to open otherwise. I fully acknowledge that and I am grateful for it. It is a pity that I have not leveraged my association with this place to the fullest. But that's my fault, not that of the insti. My experience of the insti was extremely private and solitary- I never shared in the camaraderie that the batch mates shared with each other as a group. That's why- the reunion didn't work for me. I need to experience the insti alone- for that's how I always experienced it. I am grateful for my IIM A experience. Thank you IIM A- IIM A ka tempo high hai!

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The last but not the least of my close friends at IIM A was Deepak. Deepak was Naveen's friend and I got to know him through him. Three of us often spent time together, went out for dinner etc. I remember in my second year, on Valentine's day, three of us went out for dinner- three friends celebrating friendship. Deepak was also in many of my study groups. He was as supportive as Naveen and helped me through a lot of my hard times. Through him, towards the fag end of the my stint, I also became friends with few other people in his dorm. Those friendships did not last long, but the one with Deepak has. Deepak has been a true friend, always ready to help, even after the insti. He has helped me in job search, and even helped my husband. I feel comfortable asking him for help. I have not been able to return the favour in anyway, alas. A couple of times he has asked me for help, I wasn't able to help him, but generous person that he is, he doesn't hold it against me. We don't stay in touch often, but it's always nice to catch up when we do call or meet each other, once in a while. I feel lucky to have a friend like him. Thank you for everything, Deepak.

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Apart from the three girl friends, Alka, Shrutika and Vidya, there were two other friends who completed my inner circle of trust within the insti. Naveen was one of them. Like Vidya, Naveen and I were in the same section and in a few study groups together. Naveen was a very kind person. I sensed his kindness early on and felt comfortable with him, inspite of being generally wary of the guys in the insti. It was very reassuring to have Naveen in my study groups. He was an engineer so not really averse to all the quanti stuff (which I was absolutely terrified of). He would take on the responsibility of the quanti stuff without making the others in the group feel as if they were worthless freeloaders, which many guys in other groups tended to do with those of us who were quantitatively challenged. His kindness inspired trust and I felt comfortable spending time in his company. I could let my guard down and share my fears and angst with him and he was fortunately not uncomfortable with my complaining and tears. He would take me out for a dinner or drive sometimes and help distract me and cheer me up. His support meant a lot to me. Thank you so much Naveen for being my friend and helping me through the dark times. Your help and support was a big part of my ability to pass that difficult first year.

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Vidya was another on my close friends in IIM A. Unlike me, Vidya did well and had good grades. We were in the same section and in some study groups together. I felt comfortable being around Vidya and she was unfailingly encouraging to me. She was a year younger to me and appeared to me very naive and innocent, unworldly sort of. Because of this, I felt oddly protective towards her, even though she didn't need my protection. But I felt happy if I could do something nice for her. I remember one particular early morning group work meeting to prepare for a presentation later in the day. We tended to be stressed and nervous before presentations, but on this instance, on seeing a guitar in the room where we were working, Vidya took it and started singing and playing the guitar. That was so nice- a welcome respite from the pressure and it helped us calm down and smile. She was a positive person, not prone to worrying as much as I was, and was a good influence on me in that respect. Thank you Vidya for your friendship and support.

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My time in IIM A was pretty difficult. In hindsight I know that everyone's (bar very few exceptions) time in IIM A was tough, it's designed to be that way, but at that time, it felt as if mine was the worst. Thankfully I had a few good friends whose support carried me through. Shrutika was one of them. We stayed in the same dorm (hostel). So we spent a lot of time together. Alka and Shrutika were my besties in the insti. Shrutika was a Maharashtrian like me and from Bombay, so we had that in common. We also shared a love of reading. I have probably spent a lot of time crying on Shrutika's shoulder about my poor grades. She never failed to provide comfort. She was quite maternal in that way- I felt absolutely comfortable crying and complaining to her and her very presence would sort of make me feel better. I am sure she must have found me tiresome, needy and depressing at times but she never showed it or made me feel unwanted. She had a lot of friends, and she knew I was lonely, so even after she got into a relationship, she always tried to include me in her outings, which was so sweet. We also enjoyed eating out a lot and spent many an evening eating in Topaz to avoid the horrible mess food. We always ordered cheese naan and corn tomato bharta and ended the meal with vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce. She, I and Alka shared a close bond, all being from the same dorm, and enjoyed each other's company. Alka spent more time with boyfriend though but whenever she did join me and Shrutika, we had a great time together. Thank you Shrutika, for your friendship, encouragement, support through the IIM A years- I'd never have made it without you and other few friends. But most of all, thank you for all the shared laughter and fun times. So happy that we're still friends!

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Just like that, the first month of the new year is over! and I'm woefully short of my target of writing 40 thank you notes before my 40th birthday! Now I'll have to write two notes a day to meet my target. Doable? Probably. If I'm sincere and diligent, not lazy.

Aban is my other BFF, apart from Kash. It would be impossible for me to choose or prioritise between the two. They are both equally special to me. Three of us have been BFFs for 25 years and counting. This three-way friendship is one of the major blessings of my life and I'm really grateful to have these two very special ladies as my friends.

Aban is probably the only person with right-wing views who is so very dear to me. She and I do clash over our views at times, but back off from any full-blown confrontations. Aban has always been a straight talker and believes in saying it like it is. I appreciate her honesty even though it may sting at times. She comes across as a no-nonsense person but is a real softy at heart. I remember one particular instance in college. She was marching down the corridor with a fierce war like expression on her face. One of her friend's boyfriend had been making the friend cry, and she was on her way to give the unfortunate fellow a piece of her mind. Then she saw me and her expression softened. She came over to give me a hug (congratulations were due, I had just received interview calls from IIMs) and told me how happy she was for me. Then she continued on her mission with the war-like expression resumed.

We have a common pool of so many fun memories. Like the time we went to the Bon Jovi concert and had to push the car which broke down on the way. Like the time we went to 1900s. All the times we had breakfast in CCI and went for walks on Marine Drive. Numerous shopping trips.

I feel comfortable telling anything to her and need never fear being judged. Spending time with her and Kash is my favourite thing to do. In some ways, I rely on her (and Kash) for emotional support even more than on my own husband.

Thank you Aban, for your friendship, unwavering support and all the fun times over the years and I hope to have these for the rest of my life.

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It would be quite unfair to write about Amaya and not write about Shaayra. But poor Shaayra is always playing second fiddle to Amaya and guess will continue to do so. My second niece Shaayra (spelt Shaira officially but I prefer my own spelling) was born in 2009, seven months before my twin boys. Being close to them in age, they play well together. Shaayra is not as drop-dead gorgeous-looking as her older sister. But she does remind me of her mother anyway. In many ways though, she reminds me of the childhood me. I haven't spent much time with my nieces, but the dynamics i have observed between them remind me of the dynamics between my sister and I when we were kids. I see in her behaviour the same sensitivity, moodiness, tendency to escape into books and insecurity that I used to have. But at the same time, there is also a streak of silly humour which I did not have. That streak makes me feel relieved. I hope she is able to retain it, and not become all serious-like, which she can appear, especially with her spectacles (at age 7!) and determined little chin. With the benefit of my experience, I can tell you, Shaayra, though you won't believe me, that things will change with your big sister. She won't always be mean to you. You will be able to have her as a best friend once she starts treating you as an equal, which she will when you are both older. Having an older sister is the best thing in the world. You will need to be strong, to withstand the comparison with her beauty but I think that you will be more than equal to this task. I am glad that you are there to make us laugh with your silly dances, your rhymes and your jokes. I am glad that you will be there for Amaya when she grows up because she will need you- you are the stronger of the two- though you don't know it yet. I am as proud and privileged to be your aunt as I am Amaya's. Thank you for being you.

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Amaya

The first child to be born in my immediate family was Amaya. In 2006, I became a proud aunt to this little baby girl. My sister was a little bemused at first at how besotted my father appeared of this baby. She confided in me that at times my father seemed to care more about the baby's welfare than hers, a definite first! It was a similar experience to mine, where I was a bit surprised to see my sister being more tender towards another human being than towards me- a first! Now I have learnt firsthand at how kids turn everything topsy-turvy in the world, and the above two recollections no longer seem remarkable to me. Amaya has been a gorgeous girl since she was a baby- she has clearly drawn on the genetic lottery of having two good looking parents. We all feel fiercely proud that such beauty should be part of our family, but there is so much more to her than her looks!
It seems incredible that our family, which was living in villages just two generations ago, is now represented by this golden child, who straddles two nationalities with ease, has travelled to several countries and had such varied experiences- all before the age of ten. Fortunately, she is pretty well-behaved for all that, not at all spoilt or blasé which one could have expected her to be. Thank you child, for all the joy you have brought to our lives- especially to your grandfather. Your accomplishments (which are legion- horse riding, piano, ballet) are a tremendous source of joy and pride to your grandfather and mother. I am glad that you are attached to your grandfather and care a lot for him. You are a good big sister to Aseem and Sasha and listen to me in front of them and are a good role model for them to follow. Thank you for the free child labour you provide, whenever you are around (which isn't too often, sadly). I look forward to you growing up so I can lecture you on all sorts of topics and do your make up and make you look even more beautiful than you already are. I hope that you will be able to confide in me and feel safe with me and that I will be able to get through to you when your parents won't be able to. I feel really lucky and privileged to be your aunt. Bless you.